Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Cherry Quits CBC, Begins "Hockey Fight In Canada"

Don Cherry has announced his resignation from CBC's Hockey Night In Canada.

"I'm tired of hearing fags tell me that fighting in hockey is stupid," said Cherry yesterday.

"You're stupid," he added, before hopping onto his black slave Quami and trotting off.

In reaction to his resignation, thousands of die-hard Cherry fans assembled in front of the CBC headquarters in downtown Toronto. They all began fighting each other in what appeared to be a sign of protest. Witnesses said that after most of the supporters were either knocked unconscious or sent to the hospital, the more aggressive and stupider Cherry fans began beating the shit out of local pedestrians.

The police of course, clearly imitating NHL referees, just watched the brawl. Asian tourists were also heard cheering from a safe distance.

The rally slowly ended, thankfully, shortly after Cherry made a national public service announcement:

"Fuck Hockey Night In Canada. If you like my brand of hockey, then you'll watch ‘Hockey Fight In Canada.’ The league for real men. No pussies allowed."

According to Cherry, it will be a new league comprised of low-skilled players that all possess size, anger management problems, and low intelligence. Women are not allowed to watch the broadcasts, nor are females allowed to attend games.

"This will be Gladiator. Pure masculine," he added.

Darcy Tucker, Sean Avery, Steve Downie, Chris Neil and Wade Belak are the top agents that have been signed so far. It has been reported that Marty McSorley will come out of retirement to join the league as well.

The rules for the new league are still currently being written. Even though observers speculate that players will be permitted to carry weapons in addition to their hockey stick, Samurai swords will not be allowed because such weapons cannot be used by idiots.

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