Thursday, October 4, 2007

Dr. Dolittle Tutors Michael Vick

In an effort to improve his glowing public image, Michael Vick has enrolled in an "Animal Empathy" class hosted by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Although reports indicate that Vick has been attentive in class, he has thus far failed to score above 60% in the course.

"You know, I tried reading the text book, but, you know, um.... that really didn't work out," said Michael Vick. "You know, I don't get it, you know. I went to school to get drunk at parties, uh... eat pussy, and, you know, play football," finished Vick.

To help cope with his learning troubles, Vick's publicist has hired Dr. Dolittle to tutor the ex-NFL star.

"Not many people understand animals the way I do," said Dr. Dolittle yesterday. "I can especially see why Michael, given his past relationship with dogs, has a hard time understanding the concept of animal empathy."

It has been reported that Vick missed his first tutoring session because he was, at the time, "hooking up" with a blonde classmate.

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