Alex Rodriguez is now single and looking. Assuming that Cynthia Rodriguez hasn't drained him of all his wealth, this bachelor is loaded.
And since The Linesman is the most widely read sports publication on the Internet Alex chose to run a personal ad on our very own site. If you have big breasts, a pretty face and a fancy vagina, you might want to consider this opportunity. It doesn't get better than this.
Attractive, mildly hispanic male, 6'3", 225 pounds. Enjoys having sex with multiple women, preferably strippers, simultaneously. Enjoys doing drugs, mainly the performance-enhancing variety as opposed to the aura-inducing kind.Very focused, likes working hard and ignoring family. Travels 24/7 for nearly 9 months of the year. Spends most time with co-workers and business associates. Enjoys being constantly away from home. Hobbies include collecting booty-call contacts.
Seeks a beautiful, smart, motherly woman for marriage. Preferably someone who has low intelligence but high sex appeal. Romantic, dedicated, loving and un-complicated females are most desirable. Women considering this must be willing to give birth to several children and baby-sit them constantly, forever. You must be ready to accept full responsibility over the babies but still respect and address me as "the world's greatest Dad." Be ready to show 100% commitment to me and the god-blessed family. Virgins between the ages of 21 and 23 only. 50 year-old pop stars are exempt, however, and are encouraged to also call. Please dial 415-555-3482.
The picture above was hastily stolen from our mortal enemies at The Toronto Star.