Message from Gary Bettman and Harbour Grace's (only) volunteer police officer:
Thursday, June 2, 2008 - After touring Janeway's Children's Hospital with the Stanley Cup, Detroit Red Wings winger Dan Cleary brought the Cup to his childhood home of Harbour Grace. According to hazy eye-witness reports, the Cup was last seen at Smith's Pub.
It has not been seen since.
Please call 728-555-7638 if you have any details. At the moment police are not accepting calls from people who were at the party. If you were at Dan's Stanley Cup celebration you were probably insanely drunk, in which case, your memory provides us with very little help.
This is a very serious matter. There will be no hockey season next year if it is not found. The NHL has already collectively decided that the Cup, if found, will never return to Newfoundland.