Pro-Stars TV Show Gets Re-make

Pro-Stars, the critically acclaimed children's cartoon from the early 90's, will officially be re-made this year. In order to catch up with the times the updated version of the show will be fully animated in CGI. It will also feature a fresh theme song written and performed by My Chemical Romance called "We Kick Butt, Yeah!"

The new Pro-Stars, apparently to to be re-named Pro-Stars 2000, will air on Saturday afternoons on Nickelodeon. To the disappointment of all children with low self-esteem, Disney's Keeners Beat Up The Cool Kids will be cancelled to make room for Pro-Stars 2000.

"This isn't a lame attempt to get more money," said TV studio executive Jack Donaghy.

"This is a decision to show kids that athletes can be good role models. Professional athletes aren't drug-taking, dog-fighting, neck-breaking or nude picture-taking cry babies. That's just a stereotype, and you know, stereotypes are so false," Donaghy finished.

Sidney Crosby, Kobe Bryant and Jose Canseco will be the three stars of the show. Staying true to the original format of the 90's version, the new Pro-Stars will begin each episode with a an incredible morality lesson.

"I feel my television-commercial career has prepared me well for this project. Not to mention I'm perfect, so of course, my face exemplifies good Christian values," said Sidney Crosby.

The new show proposal is not without controversy, however. Critics have bashed the studio's decision to cast Jose Canseco among Crosby and Bryant, two superemely noble athletes who single-handedly own their respective sports leagues by default.

"Canseco is a drug and woman abuser. For God's sake, the reason he isn't playing baseball is because his steroid use got him kicked out," said Christian America Inc. president, Steven McFarlene.

Canseco has acted quickly in response to the criticism.

"I need more money and I'm physically attractive. Aren't those the only two requirements to be a TV actor?" he said while injecting HGH into his arm.

Despite the fact that the original Pro-Stars barely lasted one season, Nickelodeon has invested millions of dollars into this project and has high hopes for success.