Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Toronto City Hall Proposes "Self-policing" Law

In an effort to appease its largest visible minority, Leafs Nation, the City of Toronto has initiated plans to create drafts of potential new laws that respect the rights of citizen hockey fans. Mayor David Miller revealed a pivotal “self-policing” law at a law-making conference last evening.

“Leafs Nation citizens are an important people whose rights will be violated until we update our laws. This is 2008. It is embarrassing that police are the only people who have the right to use physical force to enforce the law,” Mayor Miller said.

After his introductory remarks Miller explained the “self-policing” law in more depth.

According to the new law, citizens, especially large and unintelligent men, have the right to “promote peace and order by beating the shit out of people deemed suspicious or annoying.”

“Is this potentially an invitation for corruption? No. History shows that when the state institutes and promotes violence society thrives,” Miller added in his closing remarks.

It remains unknown whether the proposed “self-policing” law will permit enforcers to carry out their violence with the use of weapons. Policy makers, however, have been informed and subsequently report that hockey sticks might be allowed.

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