Thursday, March 20, 2008

Baseball Fans Protest Free Japanese Vacation

In light of the league-wide steroids scandal that crushed the hearts of many baseball fans, the MLB gave away free complimentary vacations to select season ticket holders this spring. All of the fans who were awarded the free trip to Japan have angrily returned their coupons in disgust, however.

“I am repulsed by this offer,” said Tammy Sparks, an avid Boston Red Sox fan.

“I can’t believe the MLB is giving us a vacation and no spending money. This is like offering someone free french fries but with no ketchup! Jesus Christ,” she said.

“No free money, no free vacation, no questions asked. End of story,” said, a custodian at Freewill Public School in Oakland, California.

The custodian paused and mopped the floor for a brief moment.

“You could offer me a free trip to heaven and I wouldn’t take it unless I was getting at least $40,000 in addition to the trip itself,” he said.

As expected, Bud Selig had something to say.

“I sincerely thought that this free trip to Japan was pretty generous. The league turned a blind eye to steroids, the truth got out and a lot of fans got emotionally hurt… But whatever happened to being happy with what you get?” said a decrepit Bud Selig.

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