Convicted Rapists Rally In Support Of McNamee

As Jose Canseco gave a "sworn affidavit" that Clemens did not take steroids McNamee got support from his own group of friends.

"I know when a man is telling the truth when I look him in the eyes," said convicted serial killer/rapist Paul Bernardo yesterday from his solitary confinement cell in Kingston, Ontario.

"Men like us also understand each other better than any one else. McNamee is clear," finished Bernardo, while attempting to grope our female reporter, Soo Min-Ji.

Mr. Bernardo stood up as high as he could without bashing his head into the ceiling and began a one-man protest within his maximum security cell. The sound of his shouts was surprisingly audible through the 15 inch-thick walls. Exactly what he was saying remains unknown, however.

Ted Bundy, who has more mobility because he is a ghost, was able to visit Brian McNamee on Capitol Hill.

"Hi-five!" said McNamee as he gave a high-five to a mostly invisible image that resembled the deceased serial killer Ted Bundy.

"Ted Bundy's ghost, you're awesome for coming out, buddy! Now don't you go and rape any women," said McNamee, whose morale clearly began to rise as a result of his supporters' help.

McNamee also stated that Bundy promised to haunt Roger Clemens' dreams the night before the final trial. Our reporters, on the other hand, attempted to interview Ted Bundy but weren't successful in locating the spirit. The Linesman was also too cheap to hire a spirit medium.