Monday, January 21, 2008

Mitchell Plans Safe Injection Sites

Seeing as how World Finger Pointing War II (otherwise known as the MLB steroids problem) will not go away calmly the MLB steroids commission has decided to stop fighting the problem all together. They've actually decided to work with the drug problem.

"If we decriminalize steroids and actually provide them for the players then we could control things a little easier," said steroids expert and long-time HGH user George Mitchell.

"I mean, either way, all these rich baseball players can afford manipulative lawyers that will clear their name. Then the scientists will create undetectable HGH in the short future. And of course all the players are greedy enough to keep doing the drugs without admitting," Mitchell finished.

The MLB is beginning to construct injection stations directly in the dugouts. They have been certified by the National Aids Society (NAS) as 100% safe.

"The fans will be able to see who is injecting and who is not. That way people can throws potatoes, dead pigeons and seaweed at the players abusing drugs," said Bud Selig.

"Does that make sense?" he added, while clutching his heart and convulsing on the floor.

To add to the positive vibe caused by the news of this brilliant new plan Jose Canseco added his stamp of approval.

"This is the best idea since I introduced steroids into the league," Canseco said while flexing his biceps and flirting with a nearby hooker.

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