Thursday, December 27, 2007

Canseco Barred From Press Conference, Fights Minotaur

Jose Canseco, the world's sexiest athlete with the tiniest testicles, made an appearance at the official George Mitchell conference. He tried to anyways.

"Why don't you just let me in?" He yelled moments before the Mitchell report was disclosed.

"I'm a minority!" he shouted, afterwhich he began cursing in Spanish.

When organizers realized that security guards weren't enough to stop a man on steroids authorities requested backup. In response to the call Boris the minotaur from the Central Park Zoo was summoned.

"By the time Boris arrived Mr. Canseco nearly broke through our shield of large black security guards," said head security guard Sheldon Kerouac.

Witnesses described the battle between the minotaur and Canseco as "epic."

"I didn't think it was fair that Canseco was juiced," one witness said.

"He's lucky that he got away with only bruises," another witness added.

The fight ended shortly after the minotaur inserted its giant phallus into Canseco's tight anus. After multiple thrusts the two fighters shook hands and disappeared into an alley where they reportedly made love to each other for the rest of the day.

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