Friday, December 21, 2007

Campbell Joins Simon on 3-month Drinking Binge

The day after Chris Simon received the longest suspension in NHL history, NHL disciplinarian Collin Campbell called Chris Simon to a special private meeting at his office in New York.

“Personally, as soon as the door shut and we were alone, I thought he was going to ask me to suck his dick,” Simon said yesterday.

“But then he pulled out a bottle of 18-year old Scotch and I forget what happened after that. I remember that the Scotch was smooth though,” he finished.

Since our interview with Simon yesterday, his whereabouts (and Campbell’s for that matter) have been unknown. We can confirm that Simon was sober during our interview with him but he definitely had a 26 ounce bottle of Smirnoff in his breast pocket.

Judging by the long leave of absence Campbell has filed with the NHL, Hockey analyst Darren Dreger speculates that the two men have started an Ontario-wide Native reserve pub crawl.

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