DOWNTOWN TORONTO - After finishing his retirement speech yesterday night, Eric Lindros tripped, fell, and knocked his head on the ground. He was immediately taken to St. Michael's Hospital and treated for a concussion.
"I am so good at playing hockey, you know, that no team in the NHL deserves me," said Lindros, when he was still conscious.
"Oh, and one more thing. Fuck the Frenchies," he added, right before he fell and injured his head.
Lindros' announcement came as a shocking surprise. Throughout his career, he was always extremely eager to play for any team that drafted him. He never pouted on the bench either.
"I'm really sad that he's leaving the NHL so early," said former Philadelphia GM Bobby Clarke.
"I'm worried that without a job, he'll just end up lying in a bath tub with a collapsed lung for the rest of his life," he finished.