Thursday, November 1, 2007

Joe Cullen Mourns Kitna's Loss In Halloween-Costume Contest

Joe Cullen, the ex-NFL coach who drove drunk and naked on a Wendy's drive thru in 2006, has started drinking again.

It's all Jon Kitna's fault, a Detroit Lions QB that dressed up as a naked and hungry Cullen at a Detroit Lions Halloween party. Kitna's costume did not flatter the costume judge (who was a journalist from the Detroit Free Press). As a result, a dormant alcoholic volcano has erupted in Cullen's subconscious.

"I got so depressed that Jon's costume didn't win," said Cullen this morning, while nursing a hangover and cracking open a fresh beer.

"If I'm not funny, then fuck, there's no hope," Cullen said as he finished his beer. He then promptly began chugging a Colt 45.

Before drinking forty ounces of vodka last night, Cullen had been sober for 9 months.

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