Safety fever has hit the MLB. And now with the latest safety precaution, no MLB player or coach will ever get injured again. In fact, every team has fired its now useless medical staff.
"Seeing as how several base coaches died last season as a result of foul ball-head injuries, all base coaches must wear armour from now on," said commissioner Bud Selig yesterday.
"Specifically, knight's armour," said Selig.
Most of the base coaches around the league are enthusiastic over the new rule.
"Phew, I can finally do my job safely. I was always worried about the health risks of coaching third base," said Blue Jays third base coach Randy Butterfly.
As expected, there were a couple of stupid complainers.
"I don't work for Medieval Times, damnit. I'm the first base coach of the Devil Rays," said Tampa Bay's third base coach (whose name our reporter forgot).
"I'll only agree to this if I get a lance and shove it down Selig's throat," he finished.
The unidentified base coach said something else but our reporter wasn't paying attention.