A Wendy's diner in Kansas was forced to shut down after a toilet overflowed due to a clogged pipe.
"Most of the time, a piece of shit, no matter how big, eventually dissolves," said detective Robert Sterns.
"This turd is not going away though. It's practically made out of steel."
After taking several DNA samples, Mark Mangino has been identified as the creator of the abnormally large and solid piece of shit. He was arrested last night.
"I don't use public toilets. You think I can fit in a stall?" Mangino said in his defense.
Video evidence suggests the contrary however. If successfully convicted, Mangino will be unable to finish his season with the Kansas Jayhawks.