Senior Advisor Appointed To Assist Leafs GM

John Ferguson Jr. (JFJ) has been walking the tight rope lately.

The Leafs aren't winning. Team mates are hurting each other during practice. Some players are even developing terminal illnesses.

To prevent the ship from completely tipping over, MLSE has hired a personal "senior assistant" to JFJ.

"I think this dog will help me steer this team in the right direction," JFJ said yesterday. "I clearly can't do this on my own."

"Woof, woof, woof!" said the dog, JFJ's new assistant.

Although the dog has never played hockey, it was found in a local Toronto Pound. It is rumoured that the dog belonged to hockey hall-of-famer Paul Coffey.

"I am very confident that Ferguson will benefit from this esteemed assistant," said the MLSE president.