The Oilers-Ducks game was abruptly cut short yesterday night when Brian Burke's eye fell out as a result of being hit with a spitball. He fell unconscious and was rushed to hospital. His missing eye was not recovered because an intern accidentally stepped on it.
Meanwhile, Oilers GM Kevin Lowe was escorted to Police headquarters where he was thrown down an old well.
"We know he's guilty," said Officer Brumstein yesterday shortly following the incident. "I hope he drowns so that he gets the punishment he deserves," finished Brumstein.
Lowe was unavailable for comment because our reporter did not get a response from the bottom of the historic well. We assume he was sleeping and will try calling out to him again tomorrow.
In more surprising news, Dustin Penner was also arrested.
"The trade last summer involving Dustin arguably caused this feud between the two general managers. So obviously Penner is an accessory to the crime," said Brumstein.