Monday, October 29, 2007

Dice-K Finally Gets Laid In America


At the end of the day everyone wants to have sex. But if you're ugly or Asian, you might have a few problems getting it on with someone else.

"All of my millions of dollars cannot easily be converted into American pussy," said Daisuke "Dice-K" Matsuzaka earlier this year through his personal translator.

"It's been a rough year for me in the bed. No one would sleep with me," he finished.

This all changed last night, however, following Boston's World Series sweep.

"He took home all the sluts at the after-party. Every single one. I couldn't believe it," said Jason Varitek while popping some Tylenol.

"No one was invited to the orgy, and I was like, 'what the fuck?' I'm the MVP for godsake. I had no other choice but to sleep with my wife," cried Mike Lowell.

Daisuke was unable for comment because he was too busy searching for his penis which had gone missing in an unidentified woman's vagina.

No comments: