In a move that has shocked sports fans everywhere, Maple Leaf Sports Entertainment, the sports empire of Toronto, has purchased a local curling club.
"I think this move represents MLSE's grand goal: to take over the entire sports market in Canada," said MLSE president Larry Tanenbaum.
"Our new curling team, the Toronto Trumpets, will surely be the worst team in the National Curling League. We'll over-charge for our games, purchase the oldest and most useless players, and of course, make all the games only available in an unfair Leafs-TV-like package."
In the meantime, curling teams around the NCL are scratching their heads.