Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Vick: I want to sodomize all the young kids out there


Michael Vick is in deep shit. He knows it, and he has finally apologized publicly. This is the written copy of the speech he gave yesterday:

You know, if you didn’t know, I’m a football player, you know. No? Well, now you know. I don’t do public speeches, and I’m generally pretty stupid, but, you know, my publicist suggested that, you know, I stop dogfighting, and do a speech and you know, apologize, so, you know, that’s what I’m doing right now. Ahem. You know.

I’m gonna do the whole Church thing, you know, and like, tell you all that I’m really religious now and that I found God and whatever. You know, I have a Bible in my pocket right now, here it is. So, you know, that shows you that I’m changed. But you know, I’m only saying this because, you know, if I say I accept Jesus, all those Christians will like, forgive me, so, you know, that’s pretty cool.

Yep, I love god now. So, you know, I’m not gonna dog fight any more. God is good. I love god. Jesus. Maybe I should say that word one more time? Jesus! I love you. I’m a Jesus guy. You know.

You know, I really owe an apology to my dogs, B.I.G. and Tupac. You know, I put you two under a lot of pressure and endangered your lives, you know. So, like, I hope I can see you one day, you know. I know you're not allowed to come within 100 feet of me, but, you know, maybe one day we can hang out one day, you know.

You know, I’m going to refer to myself in the third person now. That sounds good in public speaking, you know. Michael Vick wants to sodomize all the young kids out there. You know, Michael Vick is a bad person. You know what? Don’t do what Michael Vick does, you know.

That’s the end of my awful speech, you know, so, like, I hope that you get the point.

You know,
Michael Vick

No comments: