Don Cherry and all the other hockey hicks are right: No European captain will ever lead his or her team to a Stanley Cup victory. It's been a long-lasting trend, and now science can back it up as fact.
Professor Ramstein Ramofusula at the University of Toronto has identified a gene in European hockey players that actually prevents them from leading a team efficiently.
"It's remarkable, really," said the bushy-bearded, pipe-smoking professor. "I borrowed some bone marrow samples from Ottawa Senators Captain Daniel Alfredsson. He's Swedish, by the way... After analyzing his genes, I can confirm that he really is a loser."
The Linesman was allowed into the U of T labs to see the gene under a microscope. The gene itself resembled a bad poker hand.
Don Cherry personally congratulated Ramofusula for backing up his theory.
"Wow, until you actually proved it with your microscope skills, I was afraid that what my beliefs were completey ridiculous," said Cherry.