Saturday, August 25, 2007

Matt Stajan Supports Drunk Driving

DUI-convicted Mark Bell is really lucky that the Leafs locker room doesn't comprise of angry mothers who despise drunk driving. In fact, he's been embraced by his new, forgiving team.

"It's cool to us," said the mediocre Matt Stajan. "Everyone drinks and drives once in a while. You know, you gotta get around. I drink and drive all the time."

To celebrate Bell's arrival, the Leafs have organized a "drinking and driving" festival on August 29th in down town Toronto.

"You know, we'll go to the Royal York downtown, get plastered, and just drive around the city," said the Leafs' most useless player, Wade Belak. "It'll be sweet."

When General Manager John Ferguson Jr. was asked to comment on his players' attitude towards the controversial subject of drunk driving, Ferguson just shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm a pretty stupid guy, so, like, I don't really see a problem with their behaviour," said Ferguson, while picking his nose. "We're just keen on making Mark Bell feel accepted in the Leafs organization."

Ferguson flicked his booger at our reporter upon conclusion of the interview.

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