Sunday, August 26, 2007

Bettman: Steroids + hockey players = more goals

The average sports fan may be bored during the off-season, but this period of time is usually an extremely busy and stressful time for league owners. In the case of Gary Bettman, the commissioner of a struggling league, the off-season is even more chaotic.

"I've been trying to figure out how to draw interest to the NHL, and I think the solution lies in steroids," said Bettman yesterday. "I've noticed that the MLB has made a comeback, and it's definitely because the juiced players are hitting more home runs. We're going to follow MLB's steroid philosophy."

"Just don't tell anyone," he added.

As part of this new revitalization strategy, NHL trainers will give players steroids without them knowing it.

"We're not going to tell the players that they're taking steroids. We're going to tell them it's flax seed oil, or a pain-relieving balm for arthritis," said Calgary Flames trainer Jim Thorne. "That way, if anyone finds out, we can just use ignorance as an excuse. I love excuses!"

Get ready for a record breaking 07-08 NHL season!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hah. This is hilarious... I truly wouldn't doubt it if this was another one of his "fixes" for the game. Gary, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!