Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ramirez: Give Me Back My Ritalin!

The MLB has just added some more arsenal to its war on drugs by expanding the list of banned substances. The commissioner, Bud Selig, announced yesterday that the drugs Cordrazine, Cryostim, Vraxoin, Athelas and Ritalin have all been banned.

"Ritalin enhances the mental performance of the player in an unfair way," said Selig. "If you remember correctly, Yogi Berra said that baseball was 90% mental. If a player naturally can't follow the game, then so be it. The body and mind must be unaltered by drugs," finished Selig.

Not all of the players are happy. Manny Ramirez, a player well know for "being himself," has expressed concern over the new ban.

"Without my Ritalin, I'll probably get lost in the Green Monster every game," said Ramirez. "ADHD players like me don't survive through those long pitching changes."

We would have reported more of Ramirez's thoughts on the subject, but he just stopped paying attention and took off on us.

Picture above: The result of Ramirez forgetting to take his Ritalin before a game.

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