Saturday, July 7, 2007

Derek Zoolander Mourns Benoit, Suspects Assassination Conspiracy

Four-time male model of the year, Derek Zoolander, has publicly expressed grief towards the death of fallen WWE wrestler Chris Benoit (AKA Canadian Crippler).

"It's always a shame when really ridiculously good-looking people die. There are more fat, ugly people in the world now," said Zoolander.

"WWE wrestlers, much like male models, are the perfect killing machines. They're famous, they're strong, they do what they're told - maybe even kill. I believe the Canadian Crippler was brain-washed to assassininate [sic] someone important. He didn't kill the right people, though. Oops."

In 2001, Zoolander was charged with attempting to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia. The charges were dropped, however, when it was proven that Fashion Tycoon Mugatu brain-washed Derek to act violently.

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