MLS Season Ends In Mystery

David Beckham was not present at the 2007 MLS Championship game so, of course, no one was there to watch.

Unluckily the camera-men representing NBC Sports also forgot to tape the event all together. There was no other media coverage to report the game.

"I got high," said a disgraced NBC camera man Steve Curson. "It just slipped my mind," he said with a big smile on his face.

Despite the fact that we don't know which teams played in the final or who won, we do know one thing: the game had to be stopped for 15 minutes in the first half.

Apparently clean up crews had to remove a mound of tumble weed that began to collect on the field.

Rumour has it that there will be a new MLS season in 2008.

Major League Soccer Plans European Expansion

For several unknown reasons, the NFL, NBA and NHL are all flirting with the idea of beginning franchise teams in Europe. Major League Soccer, North America's most unprofessional sports league, is also joining the European expansion craze.

"We need to assert ourselves," said MLS commissioner Gary Strongbreiger. "We won't be looked upon as a joke-league if we plant teams in cities like Manchester, Madrid, Liverpool and Rome."

"After all, we've got Beckham. Nobody turns down a chance to see him," Strongbreiger continued.

"Even if he's just sitting on his ass," he finished.

Following the announcement, David Beckham publicly expressed his desire to leave America and return to a more civil society.

Beckham To Be Displayed In Glass Case

LA Galaxy is out of the playoffs and everyone in North America has forgotten that soccer exists.

"Before every MLS playoff game, at half time, and for a short period following every game, David Beckham will be wheeled out in a glass container for all to see," said MLS commissioner Bryan Lugent.

"We guarantee that he will at least wave at the crowd. At no point will he be allowed to leave his glass container, though," added Lugent.

Before the announcement was made, not a single ticket for any MLS playoff game was sold. Now, however, you can only find tickets available at ridiculously inflated prices on eBay.

"If you see me pouting behind the glass, don't take it personally," said Beckham yesterday in an interview over the telephone.

"I'm just really upset that there was a hidden clause in my contract that gave me no other choice," Beckham finished.