It seems like every sports web site of this nature (this is not a blog) is eventually due for this cliche statement: whew, it's been a long while since our last post. It doesn't mean that it's over. Professionals are still playing sports. Reporters are reporting. And we here at The Linesman are still not in jail.
So that's why we'd like to grace you with this newsflash: hockey players have sexually adventurous girlfriends. And there are some hockey coaches who like to take advantage of this.
"In earnest, I probably should have been a producer in the pornography industry," said David Frost, who we will refer to as Jack Frost because it sounds cooler.
Jack Frost is currently on trial because he allegedley organized several group sex sessions that involved players that he coached and their girlfriends. We have a collective staff boner at the moment.
"I grew up during the sex revolution in the 60's. We invented this stuff. Kids these days don't know what they're doing. I felt it was my duty as a coach to get myself involved in the lives of my young players," said Frost.
"Girls are just sexually adventurous, you know? I was a chaperon. It's best for me to watch and direct rather than have the parents there - that would just be downright incestuous! I promote safe sex, by the way. By being in the room with teenagers fucking," said Frost.
It seemed like the defence was doing a great job defending Jack.
"Sex involving, three, four or even five people happens in hockey and these events weren't unique to Mr. Frost's hockey team. The coach's involvement in the group sex is a little new, however, but it still seems perfectly un-creepy to us. And hopefully to you too," said the defence lawyer.
As with every newstory, one always asks the question: what is there to learn out of these events? Well, first of all, if you're looking for some action on a lonely Friday night, just join a hockey team. Secondly, if your coach ever invites himself over to your sex party, tell him to fuck off. No, scratch that. Tell him to stay - as long as he is four times your age.
That photo above. We found it on the internet. Is it yours?