Friday, August 22, 2008

LeBron James Interview


The United States basketball team has been demoted from being a "dream team" to the "redeem team." Nevertheless, the promonent NBA stars that make up the roster are sought-after celebrities in Beijing. We were able to nab one of them, LeBron James, for an intimate interview with our chief-of-interviews, Su Minji. Find out what you've always wanted to know about this superiorly talented person.

Minge: Hi, my name is Su Minji but you can just call me Minge.
LeBron: Hello, Minge.
Minge: Nice to meet you. So is it true: is your name LeBron James?
LeBron: It’s true.
Minge: Now is that French?
LeBron: No, no, it’s black.
Minge: Oh. Ok. But, if that’s your name, why do people call you “King James?”
LeBron: Well that’s my nickname.
Minge: But it’s not your real name, right?
LeBron: That’s right, it’s just a fake name.
Minge: So when someone says, “Hey King James,” you don’t turn your head?
LeBron: Sure I turn my head.
Minge: But I thought you said it wasn’t your name.
LeBron: I said it’s a fake name.
Minge: A pretend name that you answer to?
LeBron: Yes. A nickname.
Minge: Fascinating.
LeBron: Indeed.
Minge: Now, our readers are really anxious to know the truth: are you actually a King?
LeBron: No, it’s just part of my nickname.
Minge: Which isn’t your real name.
LeBron: Yes, you got it.
Minge: So you’re like the King Crab.
LeBron: What do you mean?
Minge: Well, king crabs aren’t kings but we call them kings anyway. King Crab, you know those big crabs that we eat at Chinese restaurant buffets?
LeBron: I suppose you could look at it that way.
Minge: Great. I feel like we’re covering a lot of important points.
LeBron: This is a fantastic interview, Minge.
Minge: Ok, next question: What would you do if you were the king of USA?
LeBron: The United States doesn’t have a king.
Minge: Whatever, just pretend that you were the king of USA. What would you do?
LeBron: I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.
Minge: Well would you own any slaves?
LeBron: I don’t really agree with the concept of slavery so, no.
Minge: Why not?
LeBron: It’s a pretty complicated issue that I won’t get into, thanks.
Minge: Fair enough. Here’s one that I’ve always wondered about: do you own a crown?
LeBron: Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but, I thought we agreed to talk about the Beijing Olympics and the “Redeem Team?”
Minge: Oh, I’m sorry. Hahaha, I guess I’ve spent too much time with the warm-up questions. The rest of the interview will be about basketball.
LeBron: Great, go ahead. Just wanted to make sure we were on track.
Minge: Here we go: do you own a fancy stable?
LeBron: No, I hate animals. Can I ask you a question?
Minge: No. You’re the one being interviewed so you can be quiet and wait for the next question.
LeBron: But –
Minge: Would you ever cut a baby in half?
LeBron: What?!
Minge: King Solomon didn’t, but would you?
LeBron: Listen Minji, you’re a very nice woman and I like your questions, but unless you talk about the “Redeem Team,” I have no interest in continuing.
Minge: Oh but I only had one more question left!
LeBron: Fine. One more. Only if it’s basketball related.
Minge: It is: Because you’re a king, do you own a really nice basketball court?
LeBron: First of all, I’m not a king. Second, yes, I own a basketball court. It’s on the roof of my mansion in Orlando.
Minge: Great. Thanks for doing this interview. I had a great time… not really.
LeBron: It was a pleasure.
Minge: Good luck and I hope you redeem yourself at the Olympics.

In the spirit of defiance, the above photo was hastily stolen from The Cleveland Sports Authority.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

why so racist

Anonymous said...

doesn't seem so racist to me...it's hilarious. that and it's a satire if you bothered to read the website.

Amy said...

You write very well.