Friday, August 22, 2008

LeBron James Interview

The United States basketball team has been demoted from being a "dream team" to the "redeem team." Nevertheless, the promonent NBA stars that make up the roster are sought-after celebrities in Beijing. We were able to nab one of them, LeBron James, for an intimate interview with our chief-of-interviews, Su Minji. Find out what you've always wanted to know about this superiorly talented person.

Minge: Hi, my name is Su Minji but you can just call me Minge.
LeBron: Hello, Minge.
Minge: Nice to meet you. So is it true: is your name LeBron James?
LeBron: It’s true.
Minge: Now is that French?
LeBron: No, no, it’s black.
Minge: Oh. Ok. But, if that’s your name, why do people call you “King James?”
LeBron: Well that’s my nickname.
Minge: But it’s not your real name, right?
LeBron: That’s right, it’s just a fake name.
Minge: So when someone says, “Hey King James,” you don’t turn your head?
LeBron: Sure I turn my head.
Minge: But I thought you said it wasn’t your name.
LeBron: I said it’s a fake name.
Minge: A pretend name that you answer to?
LeBron: Yes. A nickname.
Minge: Fascinating.
LeBron: Indeed.
Minge: Now, our readers are really anxious to know the truth: are you actually a King?
LeBron: No, it’s just part of my nickname.
Minge: Which isn’t your real name.
LeBron: Yes, you got it.
Minge: So you’re like the King Crab.
LeBron: What do you mean?
Minge: Well, king crabs aren’t kings but we call them kings anyway. King Crab, you know those big crabs that we eat at Chinese restaurant buffets?
LeBron: I suppose you could look at it that way.
Minge: Great. I feel like we’re covering a lot of important points.
LeBron: This is a fantastic interview, Minge.
Minge: Ok, next question: What would you do if you were the king of USA?
LeBron: The United States doesn’t have a king.
Minge: Whatever, just pretend that you were the king of USA. What would you do?
LeBron: I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.
Minge: Well would you own any slaves?
LeBron: I don’t really agree with the concept of slavery so, no.
Minge: Why not?
LeBron: It’s a pretty complicated issue that I won’t get into, thanks.
Minge: Fair enough. Here’s one that I’ve always wondered about: do you own a crown?
LeBron: Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but, I thought we agreed to talk about the Beijing Olympics and the “Redeem Team?”
Minge: Oh, I’m sorry. Hahaha, I guess I’ve spent too much time with the warm-up questions. The rest of the interview will be about basketball.
LeBron: Great, go ahead. Just wanted to make sure we were on track.
Minge: Here we go: do you own a fancy stable?
LeBron: No, I hate animals. Can I ask you a question?
Minge: No. You’re the one being interviewed so you can be quiet and wait for the next question.
LeBron: But –
Minge: Would you ever cut a baby in half?
LeBron: What?!
Minge: King Solomon didn’t, but would you?
LeBron: Listen Minji, you’re a very nice woman and I like your questions, but unless you talk about the “Redeem Team,” I have no interest in continuing.
Minge: Oh but I only had one more question left!
LeBron: Fine. One more. Only if it’s basketball related.
Minge: It is: Because you’re a king, do you own a really nice basketball court?
LeBron: First of all, I’m not a king. Second, yes, I own a basketball court. It’s on the roof of my mansion in Orlando.
Minge: Great. Thanks for doing this interview. I had a great time… not really.
LeBron: It was a pleasure.
Minge: Good luck and I hope you redeem yourself at the Olympics.

In the spirit of defiance, the above photo was hastily stolen from The Cleveland Sports Authority.


Anonymous said...

why so racist

Anonymous said...

doesn't seem so racist to's hilarious. that and it's a satire if you bothered to read the website.

Amy said...

You write very well.