Monday, October 22, 2007

Tim Sylvia Signed By Florida Panthers


Mixed Martial Arts fighter Tim Sylvia has retired from the UFC and has joined the NHL.

"I still can't skate, but if I pray to mutha fuckin' GI, I think I'll eventually pick it up," said Sylvia yesterday.

"The Panthers needed an enforcer, it's that simple," said GM Jacques Martin. "Fighting is creeping its way back into this league and we need a punk on this team to beat the shit out of opponents."

At the news conference, our Linesman reporter asked the Panthers GM whether Sylvia had any previous experience playing hockey.

"Nope. He doesn't actually know what ice is," said Martin.

"But that's not why he's in this league. He's here to beat the shit out of other players. Isn't that what I just said?"

In the meantime, many teams around the NHL have fired their entire coaching staff. Several MMA trainers have been hired in their place instead.

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