Monday, October 22, 2007

Paul Byrd: Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derp

Even though he's been receiving shipments of steroids for five years, Paul Byrd decided to be honest last night before Game 7 by coming out of his HGH-packed closet.

"I can take these steroids because I have a pituitary condition. Whatever that means," said Byrd.

"The shady doctor I met in Betty's Titties in downtown Miami gave me the prescription. Did I need this HGH? Not really. I thought it might improve my condition though. Anyways, when the cops shut down my doctor's practice, I turned to my dentist for prescriptions."

"I mean, he's not my dentist any more because he was found guilty of fraud, but, hey, these steroids were prescribed. They're for my vague condition. And they just happen to help me play baseball a little better."

"By the way, I believe in God. Did you know that? I do not want the fans of Cleveland or honest, caring people to think that I cheated."

"But I realize that I'm not doing a very good job at convincing anyone."

Upon concluding the interview with Paul Byrd, our reporter shoved a syringe up his ass.

1 comment:

Andrea said...

i don't care how great a pitcher this guy is: he is a fucking idiot.

great story!