Byrd: Steroids Were For My "Human Condition"

The HGH controversy surrounding Paul Byrd has finally been solved.

"Because I'm saying this, it's official: Byrd is innocent," said a very senile Bud Selig.

"Unlike most normal people, Paul has a very serious 'human condition.' The MLB has allowed Paul to take HGH in order to treat this extremely rare and potentially fatal disease," finished Selig.

Byrd's speech at the press conference was extremely moving.

"One day, I will die. This HGH will help me keep going. I cannot prevent biological changes from taking place in my body, but hopefully, these drugs will help me survive," said Byrd, while saluting the room packed with reporters.

Now that the dust has settled, hopefully Byrd's name never surfaces in the news ever again.