In order to prevent another raise in concession prices, the Rogers Centre (Home of the Toronto Blue Jays) has put a price tag on the entrance to the rest room.
"Urinal visits will be 1 dollar per pee," said director of operations, Mauricio Barometer. "Taking a dump might cost a little more, depending on much your shit actually weighs. The heavier the load, the bigger the price. Diarrhea will be discounted."
"Women don't naturally poo, so they will only be charged for urine," added Barometer.
This move is applauded by fans because concession prices were unfairly high to begin with. In fact, the line "buy me some peanuts and crackerjack" was censored because no one could literally afford any peanuts or crackerjacks.
"We can't keep aging, useless players like Frank Thomas on the roster without increasing some prices. We think this is a happy medium for both fans and staff," said General Manager JP Ricciardi.