Mark Bell, a new acquisition of the Toronto Maple Leafs, took his car out for a drunken spin the other night. Surprisingly, he crashed. At least he didn't kill any passengers, though. So it's really not that big of a deal.
"It seemed like a pretty cool idea at the time," said Bell. "And it was a cool idea. Don't regret it at all, eh."
He will face jail time, but, because he is a famous hockey player, Bell will be given a chance at redemption.
"The Canadian government will give Bell a 'Get out of jail free' card if he proves himself on the hockey rink. We don't want our Canadian youth to think that our hockey heroes are criminals," said avid hockey fan and prime minister, Stephen Harper.
"If he helps the Leafs get to the playoffs, we'll cover his back," Harper added.
All the hockey nuts in Toronto applauded the government's move because none of the current Leaf players have any motivation to win.