Everyone knows it's acceptable for professional athletes to gang-bang slutty women at orgiastic parties. Should one draw the line at animals?
Well, NFL QB Michael Vick has redefined the term "doggystyle." Three days ago, Vick's neighbours filed a noise complaint against him, claiming that they heard the sound of a "man making love to a dog."
"Pretend you're watching heterosexual porn, but substitute every sound the woman makes with a bark. That's what it sounded like," said the witness, who requested to remain anonymous.
"Some people like to fuck little boys, I prefer puppies. They're cuter," Vick said, as he entered a police cruiser.
Police seized several dog-sized dildos and dog condoms at Vick's home. Strangely, all of the dogs' water bowls were full of fresh human semen.