Sunday, June 10, 2007

Ponikarovsky: Humble Church Patron or Desperate Sinner?

Around Leafs Nation, Alexi "Poni Express" Ponikarovsky is well known as a devout Ukrainian Catholic. Like most of these vodka-drinking folk, this man is in Church every Sunday morning. Recently though, gossip surrounding Ponikarovsky's faith has the Maple Leaf locker room abuzz.

"It doesn't matter how heavy we drink or how long our orgies last. Saturday night partying never stops Alexi from being in church every Sunday morning," said team mate Hal Gill. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's still drunk when he arrives at church," finished Gill.

"I don't think it's necessarily because he's that faithful of a Ukrainian Catholic, I just think he has a lot of sins to repent," said Jeff O'Neill. "He's always fucking bitches. We think he's the guy who spread crabs to everyone," said O'Neill, while scratching his balls.

Goalie Andrew Raycroft had similar feelings: "It's gotta be a big show. Even though he might be in church, he has the spirit of sin and vice in him when he hangs out with the rest of the team."

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