Lindros Pulls "A Zoolander" At Hall of Fame Induction

Now that his career is thankfully over, Lindros has officially begun his crusade of not letting us forget him. It all started last night at the Hockey Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

After Gary Bettman finished reading the names of the actual inductees for 2007, Eric Lindros suddenly entered on a centaur-driven chariot and stole the podium. Bettman tried to resist but Eric punched him in the head, instantly delivering a concussion.

The centaurs then devoured Bettman and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. An egg-like odour lingered in the air as the smoke slowly cleared.

"I wanna thank you all for this honour," Lindros began.

"There's only one player that can retire and get inducted into the Hall of Fame the next day, and that's me," he continued.

Before he could say more, Scott Stevens came up from behind and socked Lindros in the head. He fell on the floor and the crowd happily retreated from underneath their tables.

Later that evening Lindros was taken to a hospital and was treated for a concussion. However, because it was his 57th concussion, his brain had officially ceased working.

Without consulting Lindros' mother, authorities will ship Lindros' body to Quebec City tomorrow. Before being thrown into the St. Lawrence River, the locals will roast his body on a stake while singing the tune "Frère Jacques."

Lindros Suffers Concussion At His Own Retirement Party

DOWNTOWN TORONTO - After finishing his retirement speech yesterday night, Eric Lindros tripped, fell, and knocked his head on the ground. He was immediately taken to St. Michael's Hospital and treated for a concussion.

"I am so good at playing hockey, you know, that no team in the NHL deserves me," said Lindros, when he was still conscious.

"Oh, and one more thing. Fuck the Frenchies," he added, right before he fell and injured his head.

Lindros' announcement came as a shocking surprise. Throughout his career, he was always extremely eager to play for any team that drafted him. He never pouted on the bench either.

"I'm really sad that he's leaving the NHL so early," said former Philadelphia GM Bobby Clarke.

"I'm worried that without a job, he'll just end up lying in a bath tub with a collapsed lung for the rest of his life," he finished.